Queensland (and Labuschagne) stared at the pitch in disfavour as play began. By now it resembled straw-coloured sandpaper. The pace had gone out of it, and there was little promise of spin. But if the seamers pitched the ball up and allowed it to swing and seam, who knew what might happen? Which they promptly did. Vidler and Neser bowled sharply with the new ball, and with the advent of Steketee’s steep bounce at first change, in no time at all the home side was 3/28 and staring at defeat. Hunt, McInerney and McSweeney did little wrong. When you are caught low down in the slips from a delivery at which you had to offer a vertical bat; or fend at an exploding leg-cutter on off-stump; then you may well trudge back to the pavilion knowing you did all the right things. Not that this is much comfort.

It ought to have been four down when Steketee induced another edge from Sangha. The ball was heading straight for Khawaja at slip; but McDermott threw out a hand to it and muffed it. The only blame derives from the fact, evident in hindsight, that the two slippers were standing a yard too close. Thereafter Sangha and Carey set to work with a will. The ball grew old; the bowlers’ immaculate line and length frayed, and the game slipped slowly into the sunset for the Bulls. Steketee was a constant menace, and Neser contrived some late reverse swing; but the two Redbacks were not having any of that and pushed remorselessly on towards victory.

It must be said of Swepson that he bowled acceptably. Neither better nor worse than that. After the first twenty overs Labuschagne’s best option was to pin his faith in the leg-spinner and persevere with him. Sometimes he drew sharp turn out of the rough; but not often enough to bring results. The right-handed Sangha clubbed him for a six over square leg; but thereafter took few liberties. Carey, faced with a capable leggie bowling into his stumps from around the wicket, launched a savage counterattack. Two lofted drives tantalised the mid-on fielders, but their hands clutched at the air in vain. Wildermuth could do nothing with his mediums, and the target shrank almost to zero.

A curious feature of the match has been the many who have reached a century and got out. With forty needed Carey lost his stumps to a Steketee full-toss. Lehmann lost his to Swepson, who grabbed a too long belated wicket. Vidler removed Scott for a duck, and with ten still required Queensland dared hope for a moment. But the ebullient Manenti extinguished their chances with a few brisk strokes and the game was won. Sangha’s unbeaten 126 was the difference. That, and Queensland’s first innings collapse. They were always several parasangs off the pace thereafter.

Plaudits are due to the Redbacks, and their coach Ryan Harris. Seam bowling has never been their strength, pace a Gillespie or two; but Harris enjoyed a brief flowering as a Test paceman pitching full and allowing the ball to swing and seam. He has taught his padawan apprentices well.

What was required, with the pitch at its most docile and biddable, was for the visitors to achieve a combination of limpet and Fast & Furious. Eventually both were achieved, but not until Doggett had prised out both McDermott and Peirson by keeping it simple, bowling a full length and swinging the old ball back into to the pads. At five down for not very much South Australia may have though that the contest was all but concluded. If they did, they were mistaken. Neser clung to the crease for over an hour; but batted himself to a standstill. As so often happens after an ascetic vigil of tortuous defence he flailed at a wide one from McAndrew and the end seemed nigh.

All through the day Jack Clayton had defended like Horatius at the bridge, but remembering always to take whatever runs might be achieved without risk. His century was well-merited, despite a near-death experience when Manenti’s clutching fingers at slip just failed to grasp him, with the ball only the width of his moustache above the turf. Yet on exactly a hundred he missed a straight one from Manenti and was trapped in front. He had however acquired Jack Wildermuth as a partner. This bloke has rare talent for a number eight, and he smote his way to a century of his own. Most of the way he was scoring at a run a ball; though with little risk. The Queensland innings closed on the stroke of evening for 445, with the persevering Doggett claiming five hard-earned wickets to pair with his six far less arduous first-innings scalps.

Tomorrow will see the endgame. Queensland have batted their way back into the game, and the home side must not falter. The target of 270 is achievable, certainly. But they will need to concentrate, and blend the grim defiance of Clayton with the exuberance of Wildermuth. More as it comes to hand.

Weather, pitch and (of course) the ball had all noticeably quietened down as the home side resumed. Yet there was still swing, and a little seam movement, had any of the bowlers chosen to avail themselves of it. Inexplicably, the Bulls continued to pitch short; especially Vidler, whose youthful enthusiasm from the previous day shadowed off into a pointless expense of testosterone. And all this to Lehmann, who despite possessing more height, and far more hair, than his illustrious father does bat in the same way, preferring to rock back and blast the ball through the off-side. He looked every inch a Test batsman: rarely in trouble, and fluently striking the ball wherever he pleased. Manenti likewise was delighted not to have his front-foot deficiencies exposed, and stroked his way to a belligerent 47 before succumbing to a short ball from Swepson.

The leg-spinner was used sparingly, and delivered up a curious mixed salad of long-hops and wide balls. He was heavily punished (7/0/42/1), though to do him credit he did trap McAndrew plumb in front. The umpiring finger remained in abeyance however, for inscrutable reasons. Otherwise McAndrew lived up to his billing as a better than average no.9 and made a brisk 39. Finally Wildermuth conceived the novel idea of pitching the ball up, and two more wickets fell immediately. Lehmann was last out for a superb 102, giving the home side a solid lead of 176.

When the visitors batted again the Redback seamers mostly bowled a fuller length. It did mean that runs flowed freely; but they created far more opportunities. Khawaja played back to a fullish ball and edged Doggett behind for 21. Lovell was trapped leg before by Scott for a patient 38, and Doggett removed Labuschagne for an excellent 61. Marnus was fortunate earlier when caught in the outfield; but the bowler had overstepped by the breadth of an eyelash. Manenti bowled three late overs, and evidence of turn was uncovered. Much will depend on McDermott, although considerable credit is due to Jack Clayton, whose unobtrusive unbeaten 32 has shown a deal of promise. But with three men down, and a lead of a solitary run, Queensland have the job in front of them tomorrow.

The Pura Milk Cup having been dismissed with richly-deserved contumely, the domestic competition decider reverted some time ago to the traditional Sheffield Shield. Many have called into question the need for such a thing. Certainly the clarion calls to abolish the final and have the domestic competition as first-past-the-post have been strident of late. No less strident has been formation blether from past fossils who apparently still command some form of public megaphone. And look: we’re only going to say this once. Will you idiots lay off Usman, once and for all? The last thing our veteran Test opener needed on the brink of the Shield final was blithering nonsense about his injuries. Yes, we’ve actually noticed that Usman is a bit different. Yes, he’s a devout Muslim. We understand that this is a bit confronting for some folks. We urge them to contain their personal traumas and lay off. Is this too much to ask?

As it happened, it was the last thing Usman needed. In case you hadn’t noticed, Joe, he’s actually playing Shield cricket for his adopted home. He’s not footling around the IPL. He’s here, doing his thing for Queensland. He did not prosper today. Would he have, had over-mighty past players not poked unwanted oars into his personal  life? We will never know. Truth to tell, batting at Karen Rolton Oval today was far from easy. Nathan McSweeney took one look at the straw-tinged wicket, the humid atmosphere, the shiny red ball, and inserted the Bulls. Why would you not? Batting was going to be a chancy business, and the probability was that Queensland would fluff their lines. Which they did.

Nathan McAndrew must have wondered if he had stepped on a pavement crack and incurred some mysterious curse. His twelve overs with the new ball produced figures of 2/22; but it could have been so much more. He had Khawaja dropped twice as the ball swung around like a police helicopter above a public demonstration. One delivery to Labuschagne cannoned into the stumps and failed to disturb the bails. He and Jordan Buckingham might as well have been bowling the Holy Hand-Grenade of Antioch for all that the Bulls could decipher. In the twinkling of an eye they had descended to 5/22. The stalwart veteran Michael Neser launched a lifeboat, top-scoring with 34; but Brendan Doggett swept them away, taking 6/31 as the Bulls were dismissed for 95.

With the final all but lost, teenage tearaway Callum Vidler dragged the visitors back into the match with an exuberant spell of fast bowling. Hunt and McSweeney endured 34 scoreless deliveries between them as the ball continued to hoop around, and both departed for tortuous ducks. Sangha came and went to Neser. Conor McInerny kept the home side humming along by judicious wafts until he fell to Wildermuth. Vidler then prised out two more scalps and the match was back in the balance (In Trutina for Carmina Burana fans) at 6/112. Jake Lehmann meanwhile kept his head where his Test-playing team-mates had lost theirs.

But the archetype of Aussie country cricketer was waiting at No.8. Ben Manenti is built like the proverbial brick outhouse: bowlers’ droop moustache and all. His finger-spin will be needed later. But he showed the others how it should be done. The ball was losing its fiendish menace, and those who play straight and hit hard may well prosper. He and Lehmann have already put on 46 – 36 of them to the belligerent spinner –  and at 6/158 the Redbacks hold a pronounced advantage, with the pugnacious McAndrew still to come in. If conditions continue to favour seam bowling then the lead is already substantial. If (as might be expected) the pitch flattens out into a road, then the fourth innings might see conditions at their best for batting. Either way, South Australians may well look forward to their first triumph this century. Queensland has a great deal to do.

Kusal Mendis faced an awfully difficult conundrum as he set forth for the centre wicket. Kumara would Do His Best at the other end, but singles would have to be found towards the end of each over. Loose balls must be put away, but twos weren’t going to be easy with four men patrolling the legside boundary. As it happened Lyon made one lift spitefully into his bat. Thence it wafted to Smith at slip for his two hundredth, and likely simplest Test catch. Lyon thought he had the final wicket as well when the ever-alert Webster snaffled a low catch at second slip; but on review it turned out the catch was a half-volley. No blame attaches. Fielders don’t always know.

Lyon’s frustration was compounded with yet another Umpire’s Call decision on leg-before. Adrian Holdstock refused him three times this innings. Lyon kept his temper, but birthday cards are probably out of the question for Mr H. Finally Smith handed the ball to Webster, who tossed up a looping off-break at which Kumara swiped horribly and missed. As the ball flobbed into the stumps Beau may well have thought that this off-spin caper is pretty straightforward, is it not? Or he may not. Lyon gave Kusal no chance to get down to him, fizzing the ball through in the mid-90s. It was the correct strategy and it paid off. But to rank tailenders a bit of air is jolly useful. Sometimes they swipe, and miss.

Chasing 75 to win, Australia made short work of it. When Peiris defeated Head three times in a row with extravagant off-breaks the moustachioed marvel whacked the next one to the boundary. Head went for a run-a-ball twenty-odd again, caught behind off the persevering Jayasuriya, but he had his team well on the way. Khawaja and Labuschagne finished the game: the latter looking in his best form for quite some time. Karunaratne was given the last over, as a farewell to Test matches. Heaven only knows when these teams will play each other again. Such matters are in the all-powerful hands of the ICC. Or possibly the BCCI. But this was a fine series. Australia won because when their batsmen really got in, they stayed in and made centuries. The home side didn’t.

Henceforth there is something called The Champions’ Trophy, whatever that means. It appears to be a sort of Clayton’s World Cup, but without the minnows. Australia will be there, but minus some players who need a rest. We would like win it, of course; but we won’t grieve unduly if we don’t.

Galle, Day 3

De Silva took the new ball immediately, and ignoring his sole seamer handed it to Peiris and Jayasuriya. Immediately batting looked a great deal harder, like the ball itself, which turned somersaults and played hide-and-seek with the bewildered batsmen. First Smith fell to Jayasuriya, edging behind to Kusal. Not that Smith did anything wrong. If you play for the spin hereabouts, the straight one will make a fool of you. The ball pitched on off-stump, requiring a stroke, and took a thin outside edge. Then poor Inglis, who had watched the partnership of 259 from the dressing room, survived just two deliveries. Trapped in front, he was saved by a thin edge. The next ball skidded on and took the stumps via an inside edge. You had to feel for the man. Perchance his injured back needs more rest anyway.

Thereafter it became a grim struggle, with both bowlers well on top. Eventually Carey, who had struggled this morning, went for his trademark sweep and for once missed it. Jayasuriya had his third for the morning and fourth for the match. Webster was joined by the debutant Connolly with the visitors suddenly 6/376 and well short of where they wanted to be. Carey (156) and Smith (131) had made it appear yesterday that they were batting on a different pitch, on a distant but friendly planet. Connolly’s first delivery from Peiris was everyone’s worst batting nightmare. It drifted in to him, leapt off the pitch like an over-excited Jack Russell and just missed the outside edge.

His fifth delivery from Jayasuriya he swept in the air to deep backward square. Unfortunately the fieldsman was a long way in from the fence and watched it sail over his head. Encouraged by this good fortune he essayed a wild slog against Peiris and sliced it to backward point. Audacity looks good when it comes off. This misadventure did not show the young man to best advantage, to say no more. Meanwhile Webster leaned on his bat at the other end and wished for someone to stay with him. He had by this point made a useful 19, using his enormous reach to smother the spin. His heart must have spun into overdrive when Starc edged his second ball straight to short leg. Nissanka clutched at it like a drowning man reaching for a lifebelt, and muffed it.

De Silva then burnt Sri Lanka’s last review on a hopelessly optimistic shout, and next ball Webster was struck on the pad again and given out. He reviewed immediately and was duly reprieved. It must be said of Joel Wilson that he has not had a good match in the white jacket. To be fair to the man, umpiring is jolly difficult when the ball is turning this much. The tail did their best, but were undone by prodigious spin: none more so than Webster, whose excellent 31 was cut short by a gigantic off-break from Ramesh Mendis which was aimed at silly point and hit the leg stump. The innings ended at 414 on the stroke of lunch, with the home side 157 behind and up against a dark and forbidding wall.

At first all went well for the visitors. Kuhnemann and Lyon reduced Sri Lanka to 3/39, including the vital wicket of Chandimal. Yet Angelo Mathews, who had been largely a spectator in the series, now took a hand. He is a super-veteran now, with over 8000 Test runs to his credit. I will make these Aussies sweat, he vowed, and did. There were useful stands with Kamindu and de Silva, but it took the arrival of the redoubtable Kusal to find somebody to stick with him. The pair put on 70 until Webster used his Inspector Gadget arms to haul in a lofted sweep. Mathews walked off, although he might have stood his ground and asked for a review; since Webster’s overenthusiastic chuck-away had been performed in mid-roll. Steve Waugh memorably did it. Mathews scorned to do any such thing. His 76 had been an innings of class, well worthy of his exalted repute.

Thereafter the tail began to crumble. Lyon and Kuhnemann did most of the bowling, and shared seven wickets between them. Webster’s off-breaks disposed of Ramesh in his opening over. Is there nothing the man cannot do? His first Test wicket came from bowling medium-fast. His second came from a looping off-spinner which bounced – it helps if you’re the height of Goliath of Gath – and Ramesh spooned it meekly to Head. Kuhnemann spun one past Jayasuriya, and by stumps the home side is eight wickets down and a mere 54 ahead. And yet. Kusal is still batting, on 48, to add to his unbeaten 85 in the first innings. He has two men left to partner him, neither with any batting pedigree. You would find few takers for a home victory at odds of less than 50 to 1. But it had been a fine day’s cricket from Sri Lanka. They began the day pretty much nowhere and clawed their way back into the match, if only by the merest thread.

Day 2: Galle

All eyes were on the pitch when play began. It still looked the same as yesterday, resembling a patchwork quilt of baked mud. Would the fun and games begin? If so, when? Starc was not called upon, as Smith opted for Lyon and Kuhnemann. But the day began well for the home side. Kusal Mendis farmed the strike expertly while Lahiru Kumara defended with the most somnolent of bats. When there was something to hit, Mendis hit it. The score mounted past 250. Mendis turned down a great many singles; but his eventual decision to offer his doughty partner three balls an over shipwrecked as Kuhnemann took the edge of the fast bowler’s bat, and Webster did the rest at second slip. Still, 257 didn’t seem a bad score under the circumstances. Kusal’s unbeaten 85 was an innings of the highest quality. He could have done with more help from his team-mates.

Head began by joyfully hopping into Kumara, whose opening two overs cost 17. But Peiris, whose off-breaks had gone unrewarded in the last game, took the edge of Head’s bat after the latter had run down the pitch as if attempting to catch the last train home. Caught at slip for a run-a-ball 21 was less than the visitors had hoped for. Then Labuschagne found himself trapped on the back foot by Jayasuriya’s arm-ball. The umpire gave it not out, but de Silva’s review was upheld. At 2/37 the ground was shifting beneath the visitors’ feet. Khawaja and Smith steadied the innings until Peiris trapped Khawaja in front; and at 3/91 there was still plenty of work to do. But the tropical sun is a fickle beast. Carey was sent in next, since Inglis had a strained fetlock of some description; and also because the Australian keeper is a left-hander. And that was all she wrote for the perspiring attack. By stumps both men were well past a hundred, and at 3/330 Australia is back in the familiar position of dominating the match.

How on earth was this possible? Anyone offering odds on an unbeaten stand of 239 would have struggled to find takers at 50/1. Some deliveries took off like mortar shells. Unplayable spinners appeared and disappeared like Black Dog in Treasure Island. And yet Smith and Carey brushed aside the occasional stick of dynamite lobbed their way and batted all the rest of the day without, it would seem, a care in the world. The sun’s shining; we’re having fun doing our favourite thing; why on earth should we be worried? Smith cover-drove, he glanced, he even reverse-swept. When he was given out to Peiris he at once reviewed, and the third umpire decided in his favour. It is his fourth century in his last five games. The time his career looked over now seems to belong to a different slice of history in the Trousers Of Time.

Carey? He swept more often than Jo the Crossing Sweeper from Bleak House. At times he drove as well; but mostly he swept. It is his favourite stroke, after all. And Sri Lanka could not contain him. Arguably they bowled too slowly: around 5 ks per hour slower than Lyon and Kuhnemann. On a docile wicket you need to make the ball bite and spin; and you should aim where possible not to give the batsman time to advance down the pitch and club you into oblivion. Carey’s unbeaten 139 has come at close to a run a ball. Half of it came in boundaries. The remainder came from his constant rotation of the strike with his gleeful skipper. Sri Lanka are not out of the game yet. But they are facing an all too familiar abyss. Two more sessions of batting from Australia and it will doubtless be another heavy defeat. Dimuth Karunaratne deserves better in his hundredth and final Test. Perchance his team-mates may yet rise to the occasion.

Day 1, Galle

The two captains stared dubiously at the strip of greyish-brown rammed earth set in the midst of a sea of emerald green and mused. Not about what to do: you always bat first here. But what sleeping demons lurked beneath the surface? Would it turn square from the first over? Probably not, but a closer inspection revealed a jigsaw puzzle of crazy paving. The home side wanted more turn this time round, and it appeared they were going to get it. They included Nissanka, whose absence from the first game was mysterious; Lahiru Kumara came in for Fernando as the sole quick; and Ramesh Mendis was included in place of Vandersay: a curious decision indeed.

For Australia, Murphy was omitted in favour of Connolly. The role of third spinner is not one of paramount importance in the scheme of things; and Australia decided the lad was worth a go to strengthen the batting. To his inexpressible relief de Silva won the toss and sent his men out to bat. Nissanka was fortunate to survive Kuhnemann’s opening over. Umpire’s call is always frustrating for whoever raises the appeal; but the visitors did not have to wait long. Lyon came on for the eighth over and bowled Nissanka around his legs. Already it was apparent that the pitch wasn’t spinning much as yet. It was more a defeat in flight. Or perchance merely a wildly optimistic swipe.

Thereafter Chandimal and Karunaratne prospered until lunch, taken at 1/87. Thereafter the innings subsided. In his final Test match Karunaratne edged Lyon’s arm-ball into his leg stump and departed in regret. On this pitch variations are vital; but the deadliest delivery is the one which goes straight on. Many of Rangana Herath’s four hundred-odd wickets were thus achieved. Lyon and Kuhnemann then tied Mathews in knots, and the grizzled veteran chased a wide one and edged to Carey, having made one run off 26 deliveries. With figures of 3/27 this was Lyon’s last wicket for the day; but his early incisions were crucial, and blazed a path for the other bowlers.

After Chandimal completed his fifty Smith decreed that Head should join in the party. Two boundaries and a single of his opening over? No problem. The last ball Kamindu edged to Smith at slip. Much was spoken of Head’s golden arm, although the traditional gilding generally refers to organs further down the body. Head was overjoyed, as well he might be. At once Smith recalled Starc, who despatched de Silva with a wide away-swinger pouched in the gully by Webster. Chandimal’s feelings can be well imagined. Here we are, batting first, and half the side is out for nothing much.

Chandimal’s personal luck ran out shortly afterwards. He survived a difficult dropped chance from Head, and was shaken up by Starc’s searing pace. Finally Kuhnemann induced him out of his crease and Carey whipped the bails off. He walked off, far from gruntled. He has not failed yet in the series; but where is the support? Fortunately for the home side Kusal Mendis defied everything which came his way, and finished the day with a courageous 59 not out. Ramesh (the third Mendis to stride to the crease) stayed with him long enough to raise the two hundred. But with the new ball came the return of Starc the assassin. He caught Ramesh on the crease and nicked behind; while Jayasuriya was similarly caught next ball. Kuhnemann picked up Peiris expecting more turn than there was, and by stumps Sri Lanka had hung on to reach 9/229.

They have reason to lament a want of discipline in their batting, aside from Chandimal and Kusal. With the big advantage of the toss thrown away, they will want to bowl well tomorrow to stay in the game. And Smith, as he trudged off the field at day’s end, looked like the cat that had not only pinched the cream, but poached the smoked salmon from the fridge and persuaded the householders to open a tin of caviar. Everything he tried worked out, despite his limited bowling attack. Vindication for him, and the inscrutable coach, yet again.

Australia began the day on the tenderest of tenterhooks. Mooney (resuming on 98) played her first over as though batting with a stick of celery until the final ball, when she managed a square cut for the two runs and a much-admired century. But thereafter the home side seemed to be here for a beach outing rather than a cricket match. Perhaps they had decided not to grind England remorselessly into the dust. Feet did not move, bats were flailed optimistically somewhere near the line of flight, and the innings collapsed. Even Perry, who came out unfashionably late at number ten, off-drove Ecclestone for a beautiful two and then hit a return catch straight after. Still, all out 440 was a comfortable place to be.

Sophie Ecclestone had every right to be exhausted after her debilitating day yesterday. Sensing that Australia were a little off their game she gave the ball more flight, and the home side obliged by gifting her three consolation wickets. Filer got the other two as belated reward, and only fell over in her delivery stride once. We do not know why she does this, but some extra studs in her boots would be a wise investment. Ecclestone seemed too exhausted to raise the ball in the McGrath fashion, but was eventually persuaded thus by her teammates. 5/146 was a fair reward for her backbreaking toil.

Party time suddenly over, England went out to try to save the game, victory being out of the question. But Australia’s collapse had left abundant time. Could they at least bat until stumps? Alas, they could not. Maia Bouchier is a fine attacking batsman, but facing up with her bat held aloft like a lightning conductor was asking for trouble in a Test match. You don’t do that to Darcie Brown, and a roaring off-cutter removed her middle stump. Knight and Beaumont then settled in for a partnership of 73, mostly against the three seamers. They showed class, especially Beaumont’s 47. Healy meanwhile waited forty minutes into the afternoon session before unleashing the long-expected Nemesis.

From there until dinner was a masterclass in what women’s cricket has become. Gardner was merely excellent. King was sublime. Her second delivery aimed at the pads and missed off-stump. But it was Gardner who struck first with a beautifully flighted off-break which turned off Knight’s edge to the gleeful hands of Litchfield at short leg. King’s second ball to Sciver-Brunt took a leading edge and lobbed tantalisingly just out of reach of silly point. The veteran batsman took due heed and went after the leg-spinner, realising that this was the best method of defending against King’s spitting fireballs. But King won the battle, trapping Sciver-Brunt in front for 18 off 17.

Dunkley then straight-drove King for a boundary and was bowled straight after. One has mentioned the Warne delivery before. This would have the great man clapping his mighty hands together and grinning from ear to celestial ear. A flighted ball which swings in towards the pads, drops suddenly, spins sharply and takes the stumps is the wonder-ball leg-spinners dream about. When it comes off it is opera in motion. This was no fluke. She’s done it before, many a time. Then Gardner induced a lofted sweep from Wyatt-Hodge straight to backward square; and Beaumont’s long defiance ended with a chop-on from King. On the last ball before dinner, Jones edged behind to Gardner’s arm-ball. In not much more than an hour, King and Gardner had prised out six wickets, bowling unchanged to predatory close-in fields, to quality batsmen who did not throw their hands away. And this is not some sub-continental dustbowl. The pitch was still true. Yes, it took spin and a degree of quite even bounce. But the sharp turn was only there because the bowlers put it there.

After dinner the rest was, if not silence, at least anticlimactic. McDonald-Gay hung in despite being repeatedly beaten, and only succumbed when King bowled her a rank full-toss. The debutant was presumably so shocked by this uncharacteristic lapse that she hit it straight to cow corner and walked off disconsolate. After 49 resolute deliveries Ecclestone suffered a rush to the brain and skied the fiftieth to the jubilant King. The twin Laurens adhered for another eleven overs before Filer hit a catch to Sutherland and all was over. The spin twins had nine wickets between them; England were massively defeated, and the crowd and players rejoiced.

English cricket has some soul-searching to do. The coach (Jon Lewis, formerly of Gloucestershire and occasionally England) had some harsh words to say about the seven-nil whitewash in this series. It wasn’t that England were especially bad. But they are no longer a match for a rampant Australia, at least on these shores. Perhaps the time has come for a female coach. It’s worth considering.

Two venues, eerily matching results, and the coining of a new phrase, courtesy of cricinfo.com. Aussie Thumb: a condition brought on by constant changes of channel from Melbourne to Galle and back again. To Galle first, since there is less to be said of it. Kuhnemann and Lyon swept away the tail in short order, the home side barely giving a yelp this morning. First Kusal went for an optimistic swipe from Kuhnemann and holed out to Murphy at mid-wicket three-quarter. Chandimal at least had the excuse that Lyon trapped him in front with one of his specials from round the wicket. No air to speak of: just a fiercely spun off-break which roared back into his pads.

He and Kuhnemann appear to spin the ball harder than the local purveyors. Perhaps this is because Australian spinners know they will be massacred on our harder tracks unless they give the ball a ferocious tweak. The last four batted as though they wished they were somewhere else, like Colombo, or Kandy. They have little pretension to batting ability, and failed to live up even to that modest billing. To see them surrounded by a ring of anything up to nine fielders was like watching a village side playing against a World XI. Kuhnemann took five; Lyon three; and Starc did not have to exert himself in the fierce heat. But he would take figures of 8/1/13/2 any day of the week.

Refreshed after his restrained morning, he celebrated Smith’s decision to enforce the follow-on by crashing one of his trademarked specials into Fernando’s pads. The man looked so surprised that he wasted a review on it. Starc’s grin might as well have said Welcome to my world. Chandimal’s mien as he went out to bat again resembled the frown of an undertaker whose patient has risen from the slab and demanded a refund. Then Murphy, who had barely bowled and was not needed with the bat, was sportingly given the new ball. Karunaratne then so far forgot himself as to leave Murphy’s arm-ball which fizzed into his stumps.

Chandimal and Mathews made a stand of seventy-odd without too many alarums, although at one point a nick behind was expertly kicked up by Carey’s foot to Webster at second slip, who took a diving catch. It looked out, but on review it was found Carey had kicked it up on the half-volley. So no wicket, but 9/10 for choreography. We wonder if this was a practised set-play. Then Lyon removed both; Kamindu Mendis played a T20 innings of 32 off 26 before falling to Kuhnemann; and the last pair of any note: de Silva and Kusal Mendis then made a fine stand of 65 before falling to Kuhnemann and Lyon.

It is easy to be critical of Test batsmen who get out in the thirties and forties. But really: against high-class spinners on an untrustworthy deck, you cannot simply stay put and wait for the unplayable ball. You must assert yourself, and both did; although Kusal deserves blame for charging down to Lyon’s arm-ball and finding himself up the creek without a paddle. At 7/187 the end appeared imminent. But Jeffrey Vandersay had other ideas, and managed to top-score with a belligerent 53, including a pair of sixes. At the very least he has earned a promotion to No.8.

Nevertheless it was a crushing defeat at their favourite venue, and all hearts in Noble Island will be downcast at this dreadful performance. Were they so very bad, or was Australia merely surpassingly good? The margin of victory (an innings and 242 runs) would suggest possibly both. Kuhnemann and Lyon shared the spoils with four wickets each; but Murphy was severely mauled, unable to settle on a consistent line and length. He is young and will learn. Starc enjoyed himself with a pleasant day out (5/1/14/1) and will be looking forward to next weekend. And Sri Lanka will be praying that they win the toss and give themselves a chance.